It’s hot as balls. Wear your (glitter?) sunscreen.

In preparation for my trip to Florida in April, I bought some sunscreen, like you do. The friend I was visiting, my #wifeforlife Sarah, doesn’t really believe in sunscreen, and even though she owns some it’s not something she brings to relevant places, like the beach or the pool. The last time I visited I stupidly trusted her when she said we didn’t need sunscreen, and I sustained the worst sunburn in the history of ever. Thanks, Gentry.

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I burned, I peeled, and I still have the tan lines from this visit.

So on this visit, I wanted to be prepared. When I was in Walgreens the night before I left I grabbed the Hawaiian Tropic that smelled the best and called it a day. I didn’t notice that I’d picked up the “radiant” version until I’d slathered it all over my body, then wondered why I was completely covered in glitter.

To be fair, my skin looked really good in the sun and this stuff mostly did its job, but the thought of glitter in sunscreen was a little off-putting. I mean, what’s the point? Who thought this was a good idea?

Apparently, it’s the newest trend. In an effort to make sunscreen feel like less of a chore, manufacturers have started adding glitter. It’s a must have for festivals and other cool kid nonsense. I hadn’t heard of this “trend”. Is it like feather brows or overlining lips? Am I just too old to get it?

Unfortunately for all of us, the plastic glitter that’s now in literally everything is terrible for the environment. We all know that it’s basically the herpes of the craft world (once it’s on you it’s there for good), but now it’s also destined to clog our waterways and live in our landfills for 12 billion years. Thanks, beauty industry. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Guess what. Sunscreen is a chore. We have to do chores whether we like it (or it contains glitter) or not. We should consider ourselves lucky if the stuff smells like fruits and flowers instead of zinc and chemicals. Not every product we use needs to be worthy of an Instagram photo shoot, as much as we’d all like that.

So later while it’s hot as balls and you’re blowing shit up, because ‘Murica (assuming that you’re American; if not this doesn’t apply to you), remember to put on some damn sunscreen. Your skin will thank you, even if it’s the boring kind with no glitter. And drink some water so you don’t die.


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