Here’s some random shit about me

Y’all know I watch a lot of YouTube, and lately, there’s been this trend where YouTubers “react” to our assumptions about them. I like this in theory, but I suspect most of them don’t react to a lot of our actual assumptions about them. I’m talking about the rude/dirty/financial things we assume about them. I wish they did. I think it would make for more fun and interesting videos.


Because I’m sitting down to write this at midnight on a Saturday night (no social life, yeah!) and there aren’t many people around to ask about their assumptions, I’m going to tell you a bunch of random things about me that you may be surprised to find out.

I’m extremely short.

My driver’s license states that I’m 5’0, but it’s a lie. In real life, I’m actually more like 4’11. I couldn’t bring myself to be honest about it on a government document.

All of the women in my family are short. I’ve dated tall men almost exclusively, and they’ve all agreed that walking into my parents’ house feels like entering the Lollipop Guild. All of the important things are located on low shelves, and all of the mirrors and paintings are at chest height for “normal” people. I think it’s why we all have such big personalities.

I dropped out of college after a year.

At the point when most kids are applying to colleges and figuring out their futures, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I took some off to work and just live my life, and I hoped that it would steer me into making a decision. That didn’t go as planned because nothing ever does, and I started community college being in much the same place as when I graduated high school. My hope was that taking classes and being on campus would inspire me. It didn’t.

I took some great classes and met people who’d change my life, like my history professor, but after a year I wasn’t any closer to declaring a major or coming up with a plan for my life. I was $5k poorer though, and for someone who made $8 an hour, that’s a pretty significant investment. I was working full time, had moved out of my parents’ house, was living on cigarettes and No-Doz and barely keeping my head above water. Something had to give, and it was school.

I’m a Leo, and I think it matters.

Some of you might think I’m insane here, but stay with me: while astrology isn’t an exact science, I do believe that noting something about the alignment of planets on the day of a person’s birth can lead to clues about their personalities and behavior.

If your only exposure to astrology has been reading your horoscope in the paper you may not get what I’m saying. I also know that it’s sort of a basic thing to say “Omg I’m such a Leo.”  I kind of am a typical Leo though. Natural leader. Opinionated. Tough. Loyal. Hot temper. I’ve noticed that I get along best with air signs. Maybe it’s bullshit, but it’s something I take note of.

I loathe exercise.

The problem with being fat is that you need to exercise while also being fat. I know that a lot of “normal” size people won’t get this, but there’s a lot of stigma around it. In the past when I’ve joined a gym I’ve gotten everything from obvious side-eye to straight up jeers. It’s not awesome. There’s also very little equipment made for tiny chubsters like me. My legs are like half the size of the average person, so stair machines, ellipticals, and bikes present a challenge. Overall, exercising in public is just not a good thing for me, so I avoid it at all costs.

And did you know that affordable home exercise equipment has weight ratings that generally don’t include fat people? If that’s not irony I don’t know what is. I managed to find a reasonably priced recumbent bike with a desk so that I can pedal while I work, or watch YouTube or something to distract me. I don’t like talking about it, but maybe this is one of those things I should talk more about to keep myself accountable.

I’m a big history nerd.

Yeah, I love history and could give you a rundown of the most important bits of the Civil War in under 10 minutes. I could do the same with the Tudor lineage, the American Suffrage movement and a hundred other topics I’ve read about obsessively. I think that it’s vital to know our history, and know about the people we deify to keep things in perspective.

This goes back to being in college. I took a Civil War history class on a whim and it happened to be taught by the greatest teacher to ever walk this earth, Gordon Shay, affectionately known as “Colonel” to his students. This man inspired me every day with his insane stories and his infectious love of history. Even into his 70s he was leading student trips to Civil War battlefields and marching them across fields, and I was lucky enough to go on a few of these trips and spend time with him in a more casual setting. He took us out for drinks, bummed smokes from us and bailed us out of jail when we went poking around battlefields after dark. He was a giant among men, and though he died over a decade ago I still miss him every day.

I love garbage tv.

I’m not talking about reality shows, though they’re occasionally fun, but scripted tv. Most recently I binged Riverdale and loved every minute of it. It’s objectively so bad. It’s also really good and I’m obsessed with it. It’s got everything a trashy show should have: hot muscled teenagers, statutory rape, teen sex, drama, betrayal, intrigue, murder, 90s teen icons playing middle-aged parents. I can’t imagine what more we could ask for.

If you have recommendations for similar terrible shows, I’d love to hear them.

I have complicated feelings about my full-time job.

I was extremely lucky to find this job. I work from home, largely set my own hours, and though I work in a support role it doesn’t involve being on the phone all day. Or at all, actually. My company is generous with things like benefits, vacation time and stock options. Most importantly, I’m doing something that people would consider noble. I’m not selling things or solely trying to put money in the pockets of our shareholders.

Still, I’m working for someone else and not myself. I’m subject to the whims of corporate policies that have become increasingly restrictive over the last year. My company used to embrace diversity in a real, meaningful way: it was 25% LGBT, 40% non-white and 52% women when I started almost four years ago. That has changed dramatically. I don’t have the exact number for my company, but my team is now 60% male, 60% straight and 100% white. They’ve also begun to narrow the scope of people they target as users: they’re interested primarily in straight, monogamous, educated, urbanites under 30. I don’t fit any of those categories anymore, and it’s an odd feeling to work for a company who considers your use of their product superfluous.

I’m not straight.

Oh hey, surprise! Sure, I’m in a relationship with a man, but that doesn’t automatically reset my orientation. I won’t go into detail about how I identify because I don’t think it’s necessary; the point is that my investment in the well-being of the LGBT community isn’t just my sense of social justice coming out to play. Every attack on them is also an attack on me, and I get a bit heated. They’re people and should be left alone to get married, have kids, have jobs and be fulfilled, just like the rest of us.

So tell me some stuff about you that people may not otherwise realize. Do you have any particular passions or talents? I’d love to hear about them!

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