Dudes named Chris will get you every time

In a complete departure from what you’re used to seeing here, today I’d like to talk about a hot dude named Chris. You may also know him as Andy Dwyer, lead singer of Mouserat.

I’m having some feelings about this today.

You might have heard of this Chris. He’s been in some big budget movies and has recently become engaged to a woman 10 years his junior after his split (less than a year ago) from his age-appropriate wife and the mother of his only child. For real, the ink was barely dry on the divorce papers before he was engaged.

I know there’s a lot of judgment in these first few sentences, and dude can make whatever idiotic decisions he wants in what’s obviously a mid-life crisis. It has no bearing on my life and I’ll be as likely, or not, to watch his movies as I was before.


Mr. Pratt now attends an evangelical mega-church in LA that’s frequented by Hollywood’s elite, and he can’t shut up about it. This too is sort of whatever to me; I don’t share his beliefs, but it’s fine. He can believe whatever he wants and spend all of his air-time gushing about Jesus and I can change the channel. What’s not ok is that his church, an offshoot of an Australian Pentecostal church, has reiterated time after time that they aren’t on board with The Gays™️. Pratt’s Hollywood contemporaries, most notably Ellen Page, who is one of The Gays™️, are calling him out on his bullshit.

Thank you for bringing this to our attention Ms. Page. I would like to hear what he has to say about this.

Being that Chris Pratt seems like a decent dude I expected him to say something about how he had no idea and hoped the church would change its stance, or… something. Anything that conveys his understanding of how painful and damaging this sort of attitude about the LGBT community can be. Instead, he defended the church wholeheartedly, using their support for him during his divorce as evidence of their love and support for everyone.

But… bro… your divorce is something you chose to do, and it’s so common that if they ostracized divorced people they wouldn’t have any members. It’s… not the same. Do you… I mean, you understand that, right?

Also, it’s kind of delusional for Pratt to say that his church isn’t anti-LGBT; their founder and Senior Pastor Brian Houston has reiterated his disdain for gay people and their marriages for years. He strongly urged his fellow Aussies to vote against extending basic human rights to Australia’s LGBT citizens. His statements about Muslims are problematic at best. Like, why is anyone surprised that this dude’s church reflects his personal values and his convenient interpretation of the Bible? He’s been telling us exactly what kind of person he is for a long time.

I think that anyone reading this knows how I feel about this topic. I literally just posted about my orientation and how attacks on my fellow LGBT people feel extremely personal to me. I’m not here for this kind of “It’s ok to hate them because it’s in the Bible” bullshit. Nor am I here for the “Hate the sin, love the sinner” nonsense. Love, sex, companionship, marriage… these things, or some combination of them, are things that humans need to live and thrive. Why would any person or organization who claims a superior level of love and compassion due to the teachings of their savior want to deprive people of that? And I think a better question is: how does someone else’s relationship, who they love, whatever, have any impact on you? Whatever happens between consenting adults is none of your business.

And I swear, the first person who comes at me with “But why do they have to shove it down our throats?” is going to get verbally bitch slapped.

If two men walking down the street holding hands offends you or gives you some other kind of visceral reaction, while a straight couple doing the same thing doesn’t, you need to evaluate why. Those emotions are on you, not them. A gay couple shouldn’t have to worry about showing a reasonable amount of affection for their partner in public.

So. This is some bullshit. Chris Pratt needs to pull his head out of his ass and acknowledge that maybe his experiences as a straight, white, rich, Christian man aren’t the same as everyone else’s. And maybe he can be a force for change within the church.

Or not, and I’ll add him to my cancel list.

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