Hi! I hope you’re all safe and healthy.
I’m not handling things all that well, to be honest. Remember when this whole thing started and I was totally cavalier about it? I was all like, “It’s fine, use the time to learn a language, make coffee, remember to take showers”? Well, I was wrong.
So. Fucking. Wrong.
I’ve worked from home for a long time and rarely leave my house anyway, so I didn’t think I’d be too affected by this. It’s not like my livelihood has been impacted. No one I know has gotten sick. I’ve still been able to purchase the things I need, my bills are paid, and I’m not going hungry, but I’m still struggling.
I’m depressed. I miss my family. I miss going out and working in coffee shops to be around humans who aren’t Dan. I can’t concentrate for shit, which is why I’ve been silent for so long. The other reason is that my creative energy is basically non-existent, and I’m not a disciplined or skilled enough writer to write anyway. I really wish I was. What little emotional energy I have is devoted to work, Dan, and our poor birds who have no idea why their humans are so stressed. All they want out of life is seeds and some nice screams.
About the only thing I’ve been able to focus on is reading. I’ve torn through more than several dozen books, some in one sitting. I love to read, as you know, but I haven’t been this into books as escapism in a very long time. And that’s really what it is: I’m unhappy and don’t want to see or hear anything about this damned virus, so into my books I go. I even read a book about math. It was the most boring thing I’ve ever read, but I finished it anyway.
Another thing I’ve been doing is hoarding makeup. The Ulta and Sephora spring sales happened during this nightmare, and while I’m not super pumped about how either company has handled things with regard to their work force, it’s only going to get worse for employees if people stop spending money there. It’s not like either company is going to forgo profit to make sure their retail and warehouse workers are taken care of. That’s just not how Capitalism works. So, I’ve spent some money, mainly on eyeshadow palettes. I’m beginning to feel a bit like Smaug on his pile of treasure. Starting today I’m going to make more of a concerted effort to not only wear some of this makeup I’m hoarding, but also post about it. Maybe tell you what I think. Or write about how terrible that math book was. I mean, isn’t that what you’re here for?
Hopefully the end of this will be sooner rather than later, and I can venture out in the world again without risking my already compromised immune system. Until then hang in there, and seriously, take a shower.
Sending you all the virtual hugs!! I hope you are able to find something that pumps you up soon! And yes, please shower!
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Thank you! Showering hasn’t been a problem for me (so far), but sometimes I really don’t feel like it. I’m hoping that when it stops being so grey and cold in upstate NY I can get outside a bit more. There are cemeteries to be explored.
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